Control or Respecting Boundaries

For the longest time, I was unable to understand and see 'control'. I understood control when I understood boundaries. Boundaries achhe hain (boundaries are good). It is important to know where you end and something else or someone else begins. 'Can do all' attitude in the profession and personal life is really not about 'being nice'. It is actually 'being not nice'. 'Can do all' means you want to control all that you see. You may reason your control as: "if I don’t do it, it won't happen (the way I want it)", which can be translated as: you want to control what is presented in front of you, you are not ready to see something else, something else feels sub-par to you, etc. & you want to control all the fears 'waiting for things to happen at their own pace' triggers in you.
When you allow yourself to see boundaries the Serenity Surrender(SS) way, you allow control to be filtered beautifully out from 'acceptance of the life as is'.
Boundaries are knowing where your concern for your aging parents’ health ends and where acceptance of their choice of living their lives 'in a certain way' begins.
Boundaries are knowing where your role as a professional ends and where those of seniors, juniors, clients, and support staff begins.
Boundaries allow coexistence, respecting each one's role, and witnessing everyone's growth (including yours in the process).
I have seen people struggle in a lot of situations where they 'do it all’, even the things which they were not supposed to do. It is generally a draining experience and is done in expectation of getting respect and love in return. But in doing it all you encroach into someone else's space and probably end up controlling them. And vice versa is true too. When you don’t see your boundaries you allow others to walk all over you too. How can one then expect to experience respect and love in both the scenarios? In this example, boundaries will help you see love and respect for yourself first, i.e. knowing what you are supposed to do and doing just that. Focusing only on what you are supposed to do, you will execute your role more elegantly and efficiently bringing happiness and a sense of achievement instead of doing it all and feeling work to be never-ending. This will in turn help you respect and love your body and its limits. In acknowledging your limits you can find avenues to learn to go beyond them and can become proficient at being 'your role', which is what one should strive for. Respecting boundaries also allows you to see others and respect them. You then learn patience, new possibilities, and experience mutual respect and love. Boundaries help you define - me, my inner circle, my outer circle, and what lies beyond that. Acknowledging that you learn skills to operate differently in each circle and find balance and harmony, you stop seeing things as black and white and allow yourself to see the amalgamation of I and you which is neither overpowering nor undermining, it is acceptance of 'as is'.
Boundaries can be a refreshing change you can give yourself. When you know where your responsibilities end and where acceptance of 'as is' begins, you experience a sense of freedom you have never experienced in controlling.


About Author

Shipra Mishra

She has always been inquisitive about unanswered experiences (physical and subtle) of life. She bought her first spiritual book in 2nd year of graduation. Things changed when she started to understand the subtle and that the subtle affects the present experiences. Yet these understandings were limited and journey was challenging. In 2011, her life took twisted turns and the her questions started to become bigger, when she experienced break-down in all corners of her life (emotional, physical and professional).

She lived a rather challenging life for almost a year and a

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